(originally published August 3, 2001)

"FIRE...AND...DEATH!!!!"quoth The Penguin, while using Superclipium to roast a marshmallow over the eternal flames of hell.
"So," Superclipium asked The Penguin, "How do I get out of here?"
The Penguin: (icy stare)
Superclipium: "Out of hell, I mean."
The Penguin: "I don't think about such things. (long pause) I'm just here to roast these marshmallows."
Superclipium: "Ah."

(long pause)

Superclipium: "Hmm... Could I have a marshmallow please?"
Penguin: (icy glare)

At that moment hell went dark. All the lights went out and the fires quickly lost their tremendous height and heat.

"Dang it," said The Penguin, "I knew they shouldn't have put hell right underneath California! We must be having a blackout! I WANT MY MARSHMALLOWS!!!"
"Excellent," said Superclipium evilly.

<sinister voice> At that moment, a giant portal opened up, and transported him several thousand miles upward...to the <even more sinister> Land of the Mole People </even more sinister> </sinister voice>

This was, of course, not something you could call a Good Thing.

"Hmmmm," said Superclipium while bending himself back into the shape of a normal paperclip, "I wonder where in hell we are."
"I don't think we're in hell anymore, Toto," quoth The Penguin.

Superclipium and The Penguin were standing on the edge of a desolate plain, next to a large gate covered with ivy and little pink ducks.

"Velcome to ze Land of ze Mole People," said an automated grin. "Ve hope you enjoy your ztay."
"Fire and death," quoth The Penguin.

Superclipium and The Penguin went through the Gate and soon found themselves in a bustling metropolis full of...the Mole People (we should probably use our <sinister voice> tags again here, but we're too lazy).

"Wow," exclaimed Superclipium excitedly. "Look at all the cute little mole-men!"

Suddenly, everything stopped. All the "cute little mole-men" turned their cute little mole-tentacles toward Superclipium and The Penguin. And with one voice, in unison they screeched, "VE PREFER TO BE CALLED PHYSICALLY-ATTRACTIVE SIZE-CHALLENGED MOLE-PERSONS. ... And where did that come from anyway? We can't see anything..."

Just then, Superclipium and The Penguin caught sight of Bob (remember Bob?), who was taking photos for a National Geographic feature on <sinister voice>The Mole-People</sinister voice>.
"Ah, you've met the Mole-People, I see," chuckled Bob. "Or Mole-Persons, as they like to be called. They always were a fearsomely politically-correct bunch."

"Politically correct, eh?" intoned The Penguin dubiously.
"Ve prefer to avoid ze term 'eh.' Canadians are anyzing but politically correct."

At this point the authors decided that the politically correct moles weren't nearly as interesting or easy to write about as they first sounded, and decided to make a list of random word associations for the rest of the afternoon: