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   "Hamburger and fries, please," said Bob. (No, we don't know who he is either.)
   "Would you like phries with that?"
   "Yes please."
   "And do you want any fryze?"
   "Sure."
   "How about some--"
   "Pghreyesz?"
   "(long suspicious stare) Umm, no... What kind of sick person are you anyway? ... Only a Bogfrmkrfian would eat those."

As Bob walked out of the drive-through, something hit him. Specifically, Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond).

"Dang it!" said Bob. "That's the fourth time I've been hit by a flying continent this week alone! We need more police men to sit in cop cars eating donuts. Hmmm ..... donuts ....." Meanwhile, as Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond) stood up, fire and death rained down upon the Earth. (Or at least all the McDonald's.) But, fortunately, at least for Bob and Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond), Bob and Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond) were not on the Earth.

Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond) stood up (maybe standing is the wrong word ............... hmmmm .... donuts) and jumped back as he (and the lands beyond) saw Bob. "Oh my!" exclaimed Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond), "You're Bob!"

Our two heroes (and the lands beyond) may not have been on the Earth, but a Turkish duck was on the Earth. And when the firestorm hit, all the hopes of the universe were destroyed forever as the duck was transformed into....A GIANT MARSHMELLOW MAN!!! ("Ummmmm, Ben?" "Yes, co-authors?" "That's already been used in Ghostbusters." "Oh ... right.")

Okay, forget that. Actually he didn't change into A GIANT MARSHMELLOW MAN. Instead he turned into a huge mangy, hairy, ugly, snuttering........DRY-ERASE MARKER! The DRY-ERASE MARKER (formerly known as the Turkish duck) started rampaging through a small insignificant town in Turkey, but nobody cared much.

At this point the authors, by this time completely bored by the plot (or lack thereof), decided to run GIANT MARSHMALLOW MAN through Altavista's translator multiple times to see how bad it messes up..... and the result: after going into Korean and back, the translator says it is "It was enormous to roll up, it will tie with the male." As we always say, never trust a transformed Turkish duck.

Which brings us back to our plot. Ummmmm......."plot," that is.

At this point the Turkish duck (or whatever we've turned it into at this point in time) was running amok through several different small Turkish towns scaring the pants off the residents who were just about as frantic as a one-legged river dancer. But since Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond) and Bob weren't on earth they (and the lands beyond) really don't care about it's welfare, and therefore it doesn't matter in our "plot" (or lack thereof). Now, back to our "heros" (and the lands beyond).

Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond) dropped his (and the lands beyond's) jaw in amazement while simultaneously pointing past Bob's shoulder, screaming "POTATO," and running the opposite direction as fast as possible. As Bob turned, he too gaped in astonishment at the gargantuan spud looming down upon them.

Just then the giant potato fell over and start jolting around until it finally died. Clueless, Bob went to investigate and found that there was a door on the back of the spud. Upon opening the door he saw a spiteful little man who was rather mad at the world (if we were on a world) at this point.

"Whoops," said the man in a rather embarrassed tone, "guess I ran out of batteries. Mind giving me a jump?" "No problem," said Bob and connected his car (which wasn't there before but we needed it there so it appeared (we being the lazy authors who didn't think of putting it there before (in our defense, he would have been in his car when he went through the drive-through (so there)))) and jolted some energy into the giant potato. "Thanks," said the man as the potato got to its feet again and resumed charging after Bob and Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond).

After chasing them (and the lands beyond) through several counties (assuming they were in a place with counties) everyone (and the lands beyond) decided to stop for tea. Following a nourishing meal of potato cakes, mashed potatoes, and potato juice, the authors realized that somehow the giant tubrous monstrosity had been completely destroyed.

Well, not quite completely. A good portion of it was not in the stomachs of Bob, Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond), and the spiteful little man.
"What happened to the potato?", asked Bob.
"Never mind about that," said the little man. "Please pass the scones."

With that, the little man spontaneously combusted.
"Ooh, more food!" exclaimed Superwhatsit (and the lands beyond).

(Can you sense our usual pattern of killing off the main characters when we get bored/stuck? No, seriously, it's just a weird coincidence. Or maybe some sinister government conspiracy. Or anything to remove the blame from us, we aren't that picky.)

When Bob and Superclipium (and the lands beyond) had finished tea, they (and the lands beyond) arose and walked down to the lake. Surveying the peaceful surroundings, they (and the lands beyond) were filled with an overwhelming sense of calm and deep meaning.

And since that sort of thing never happens in their stories, the authors quickly decided they (and the lands beyond) should probably stop before things got out of hand. (You know it's rather hard to figure out what tense to use when you're writing in the third-person subjunctive about something that everyone knows never actually happened to yourselves, especially when you're referring to yourself(ves) in the plural and you've spent the last hour writing about Turkish ducks and giant potatoes.)

So, until next time: In order to estimate like this the end which is wild in this shape and this inside ocean of this width and the printing meaning grudge all fish thing! *

* (That's Altavista's version of "So long, and thanks for all the fish!" translated about 20 times into 10 different languages.)

Have a great summer, everyone!