Superclipium in Hell
(originally published March 31, 2000)
a special edition of everybody's favorite semi-bi-weekly (or whenever we feel like it) publication
written by Jon "Mad Cow" Nafziger
scribed by David "Keyboard Boy" Glick
long parenthetical remarks written by His Bovineship Bob "actually David" Cetzler (a.k.a. Kyle Lord of Darkness, Jr.)
Dear what's-your-name, (special welcome to new subscribers!!!)
First of all, a disclaimer: For those of you who believe we are becoming satanists, or are becoming satanists yourselves, um.... ummm.......don't worry, we're not. Now, back to our regularly scheduled (um, actually semi-bi-weekly or whenever we feel like it) newsletter...
Mooing with "glee", Superclipium walked across the street. In the building he was approaching, there was a tall glass window about 24 feet wide and 24 feet tall (give or take a few miles) facing the street. well, windows do not actually have faces, but we don't care. Superclipium tapped on the glass as he approached, did a double-back-flip, landed on his hands, walked forward, did twenty cartwheels to his left, and opened the window. You probably don't really care about all this since it really doesn't affect anything in the long run, but we felt it was important to include this moving story so as to make it possible for you to get an idea of the big picture.
as the curtains closed, the audience on the other side of the window screamed their heads off (this would normally be very painful, but as the audience was composed mainly of enlargened vegetables, which don't have heads (with the exception of the lettuce and cabbage), it didn't really matter). Superclipium moved to the next window and did a little jig and repeated the same process he had done at the last window. once again, the audience screamed its heads off. unfortuanately this time the audience was composed of the multiple-head-bearing race from Squoogipow 9.
These aliens proceeded to abduct Superclipium, and they took him to their headquarters in the mountains of Oshmagosh. When they arrived at the HQ, they excorted Superclipium to their lowest "dungeons". (Squoogipowian dungeons are even worse than their terrestrial counterparts for the simple reason that serve only green eggs and spam, and the mind is imprisoned as well as the body) Here Superclipium stayed for the next 4 years, with weekly readings of poetry (this was not neccessarily a good thing). After 4 years, when the "authors" still hadn't thought of a way to get him out of the dungeon, nothing happened. after another 9 years, nothing happened again.
ok, this is getting really boring...
so then Superclipium melted himself down in Mid-January, and we ended this edition of our hero's saga.
__(fill in the blank)__ly,
us
p.s. maybe next time we'll actually get to the part when Superclipium goes to hell.
